I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize