i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
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