We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
