if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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