new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
