soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Randomize
