The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Randomize
