1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
