There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
