aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
vagina is talking i cant
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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