Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
