3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
