nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
