I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
