I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
