So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
