we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
