Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize