Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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