I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
