so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
All the doctor said was why
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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