You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
