Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
