Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
