I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
