nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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