I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
