He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
