I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
