four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
