im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
