His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize