i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
