I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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