My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
