I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
