Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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