If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
