Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
