Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
