I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
