Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
