my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
