Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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