Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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