If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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