the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
