Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize