girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
