You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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