i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
