i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
