the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
