Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
