T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
