i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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