I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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