Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
