Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Can you bring me the toilet please
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
