i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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