It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
