he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
