OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
you never un-have a 4some
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
