honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
