So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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