I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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