I puked a lego.
he thought i was a dude.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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