yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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