Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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