never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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