My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
