operation have a gay friend backfired
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
They are going to name an STD after you.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
