i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
