So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
