I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It's never too late to be topless.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
