I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Randomize