two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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