Is it normal to miss your booty call?
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize