I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
