The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
